You’re all cute okay. Don’t sweat it.
I’m really sick of being told “don’t cry” or “there’s no point in crying about it.”
If crying were a choice, I promise I wouldn’t trouble you with it. Obviously something that’s been said or done has rendered me incapable of controlling that particular maladaptation.
Its really fucking unpleasant to cry. Literally no one enjoys it.
So it is 952 at night. Should I make a cake y/n?
RIGHT so my exam has been postponed AGAIN. W-H just gave me a call to say that rosters fucked us around again. Darn. But it is DEFINITELY on the 20th.
And if its not, hopefully they just give me my new epaulets because I don’t want to play anymore.
I want to make science posts but I am tired and tomorrow I am waking up early and buying a bicycle which I will bicycle on to my friend’s house.
And then maybe I will bake a cake.
Basically, I am becoming suburbia.
So, my exam that I have to do to practice as a qualified paramedic (on my own, and to supervise proper students and stuff), has been pushed back from today, to next Thursday, because I just came off of double nights.
And the more I think about it, the more I don’t want to just pass it. I want to absolutely destroy the thing. I want to do better than the other students.
I want to be the paramedic that my work husband thinks I am.
And now I have a whole week to do a lot more study, and I feel like it might just happen for me?
I’m going to put in the effort, at least.
Here are a few things that, at 3am, I cannot stand about my w-s.
She is rude, mean, condescending, and honestly has zero knowledge of it.
Today, while we had a patient, she read aloud a sign about children needing to be supervised and pointed at me and laughed.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s a good friend, and all of these things are balanced out with good in friendship. But as a mentor and as a partner, there isn’t much else.
Never once has she taught me something, or given me any feedback. The only way I know I’ve done something wrong is with a mean jibe, or, she makes me feel stupid for not knowing something.
Today, I asked her if she could please try not to belittle me in front of patients, and she responded with anger. Its makings things a little awkward right now, but I don’t regret asking. It took courage.
Guess who’s not crazy and also apparently emotionally intelligent?
She said “you’ll be just fine”
My journal entries shit all over my flatmate’s journal entries.